The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Inside-Out: The Change Starts from Within

While working on his doctorate in the 1970's, Stephen R. Covey reviewed 200 years of literature on success. He noticed that since the 1920's, success writings have focused on solutions to specific problems. In some cases such tactical advice may have been effective, but only for immediate issues and not for the long-term, underlying ones. The success literature of the last half of the 20th century largely attributed success to personality traits, skills, techniques, maintaining a positive attitude, etc. This philosophy can be referred to as the Personality Ethic.

However, during the 150 years or so that preceded that period, the literature on success was more character oriented. It emphasized the deeper principles and foundations of success. This philosophy is known as the Character Ethic, under which success is attributed more to underlying characteristics such as integrity, courage, justice, patience, etc.

The elements of the Character Ethic are primary traits while those of the Personality Ethic are secondary. While secondary traits may help one to play the game to succeed in some specific circumstances, for long-term success both are necessary. One's character is what is most visible in long-term relationships. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say."

To illustrate the difference between primary and secondary traits, Covey offers the following example. Suppose you are in Chicago and are using a map to find a particular destination in the city. You may have excellent secondary skills in map reading and navigation, but will never find your destination if you are using a map of Detroit. In this example, getting the right map is a necessary primary element before your secondary skills can be used effectively.

The problem with relying on the Personality Ethic is that unless the basic underlying paradigms are right, simply changing outward behavior is not effective. We see the world based on our perspective, which can have a dramatic impact on the way we perceive things. For example, many experiments have been conducted in which two groups of people are shown two different drawings. One group is shown, for instance, a drawing of a young, beautiful woman and the other group is shown a drawing of an old, frail woman. After the initial exposure to the pictures, both groups are shown one picture of a more abstract drawing. This drawing actually contains the elements of both the young and the old woman. Almost invariably, everybody in the group that was first shown the young woman sees a young woman in the abstract drawing, and those who were shown the old woman see an old woman. Each group was convinced that it had objectively evaluated the drawing. The point is that we see things not as they are, but as we are conditioned to see them. Once we understand the importance of our past conditioning, we can experience a paradigm shift in the way we see things. To make large changes in our lives, we must work on the basic paradigms through which we see the world.

The Character Ethic assumes that there are some absolute principles that exist in all human beings. Some examples of such principles are fairness, honesty, integrity, human dignity, quality, potential, and growth. Principles contrast with practices in that practices are for specific situations whereas principles have universal application.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People presents an "inside-out" approach to effectiveness that is centered on principles and character. Inside-out means that the change starts within oneself. For many people, this approach represents a paradigm shift away from the Personality Ethic and toward the Character Ethic.

The Seven Habits - An Overview

Our character is a collection of our habits, and habits have a powerful role in our lives. Habits consist of knowledge, skill, and desire. Knowledge allows us to know what to do, skill gives us the ability to know how to do it, and desire is the motivation to do it.

The Seven Habits move us through the following stages:

1. Dependence: the paradigm under which we are born, relying upon others to take care of us.
2. Independence: the paradigm under which we can make our own decisions and take care of ourselves.
3. Interdependence: the paradigm under which we cooperate to achieve something that cannot be achieved independently.

Much of the success literature today tends to value independence, encouraging people to become liberated and do their own thing. The reality is that we are interdependent, and the independent model is not optimal for use in an interdependent environment that requires leaders and team players.

To make the choice to become interdependent, one first must be independent, since dependent people have not yet developed the character for interdependence. Therefore, the first three habits focus on self-mastery, that is, achieving the private victories required to move from dependence to independence. The first three habits are:

• Habit 1: Be Proactive
• Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
• Habit 3: Put First Things First

Habits 4, 5, and 6 then address interdependence:

• Habit 4: Think Win/Win
• Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
• Habit 6: Synergize

SUMMARY OF THE SEVEN HABITS

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Change starts from within, and highly effective people make the decision to improve their lives through the things that they can influence rather than by simply reacting to external forces.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

Develop a principle-centered personal mission statement. Extend the mission statement into long-term goals based on personal principles.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

Spend time doing what fits into your personal mission, observing the proper balance between production and building production capacity. Identify the key roles that you take on in life, and make time for each of them.

Habit 4: Think Win/Win

Seek agreements and relationships that are mutually beneficial. In cases where a "win/win" deal cannot be achieved, accept the fact that agreeing to make "no deal" may be the best alternative. In developing an organizational culture, be sure to reward win/win behavior among employees and avoid inadvertantly rewarding win/lose behavior.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

First seek to understand the other person, and only then try to be understood. Stephen Covey presents this habit as the most important principle of interpersonal relations. Effective listening is not simply echoing what the other person has said through the lens of one's own experience. Rather, it is putting oneself in the perspective of the other person, listening empathically for both feeling and meaning.

Habit 6: Synergize

Through trustful communication, find ways to leverage individual differences to create a whole that is greater than the sum of the parts. Through mutual trust and understanding, one often can solve conflicts and find a better solution than would have been obtained through either person's own solution.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Take time out from production to build production capacity through personal renewal of the physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual dimensions. Maintain a balance among these dimensions.

PERMATA AYAH

PAGI:
" Mas, bangun mas. Cepatlah dah pukul berapa ni, nanti tertinggal bas,"gerak ayah perlahan.
"Mas tak nak mandi, tak nak g sekolah, ayah," jawabku kembali.
Ayah tersenyum lalu terus menggendongku dan dibawa masuk ke bilik air. Kemudian ayah memandikan aku.

SEWAKTU HENDAK KE SEKOLAH:
"Nah ni duit belanja hari ni," ayah menghulurkan duit kepadaku.
"Kenapa seringgit je yah. Orang lain bawak duit banyak ayah," aku membentak tidak puas hati.
Ayah terus tersenyum melihat gelagat anak perempuannya ini.

BERMAIN DI WAKTU PETANG:
"Akak, pakai kasut kalau nak main kat luar tu!" teriak ayah dari dalam rumah.
"Ala ayah ni.." bentakku sendiri.

DI WAKTU MALAM:
"Tutup tv tu. Jom kita sembahyang lekas," ayah mengajak dgn tegasnya.
" Ayah, kejap je k.. Kejap lagi akak solat ok. Ayah solat la dulu," rengekku lagi.
"Akak ni x habis2 kejap, bila nak longgarnya?" ayah menyelit lawak di dalam tegurannya.
Aku tersengih smbil memandang muka ayah. Namun aku masih belum berganjak dari depan tv.

Begitulah sehari-harian berlalu. Kadang-kadang aku rasa meluat kerana semua perkara yang aku lakukan diperhati dan ditegur oleh ayah. Aku seperti biasa akan terus bersikap degil. Arahan ayah aku perlekehkan. Sepatah ayah berkata, sepuluh patah aku menjawab.

Hari, berganti minggu. Bulan berganti tahun.

"Mak, ayah ke mana pagi-pagi lagi dh keluar?" soal ku kepada mak.
"Entahla mas. Ayah p masjid kot," jawab mak.
Ayahku mmg sering ke masjid yang berlainan utk sembahyang subuh. Kata ayah utk ubah selera dengar kuliah subuh. Tapi hari tu ada sesuatu yang pada firasat aku yang membuatkan ku tidak sedap hati.

Aku melangkah ke sekolah dengan rasa yg tidak enak terbuku di benak.
Sepulangku dari sekolah...

"Mas, ayah Mas. Ayah accident. Dia ada kat hospital," kakakku bersuara dgn sayunya.

Aku terdiam. Aku kaku. Air mataku mengalir deras.

Ayah di hospital tidak lama. Esok harinya ayah telah pn dijemput oleh Tuhan Yang Mencipta.
Ayah lebih disayangi.

Aku hampa. Aku kesal. Segala penyesalan terbuku dibenakku. Penyesalan yang tidak akan pernah sampai ke penghujungnya.
"Ayah, kenapa pada saat ini ayah meninggalkan kami. Kami masih terlalu muda utk ditinggalkan. Kak Eli baru sebulan bekerja ayah, Kak Ita pulak baru masuk 2nd year, akak punya UPSR tinggal x lebih 2 bulan lagi, adik muni baru 5 tahun ayah. Ayah tegar meninggalkan kami 4 anak ayah dgn dididik oleh mak seorang?" aku teresak2 menangis.

"Ayah, akak mintak maaf ayah sbb akak bukan anak yang baik utk ayah. Tapi akak sgt syg ayah. Akak perlu ayah," aku bermonolog. Kepala ayah kukucup. Kutatapi muka ayah yang bersih dan tenang itu.

Sekuat mana pn teriakanku tidak mungkin akan mengembalikan ayah disisiku. Aku mampu mengingati setiap detik pada hari itu. Daripada ayah dimandikan sampailah ditalkinkan.

Mulai saat itu, aku berjanji walaupun aku bukan permata buat ayah di sepanjang hidupnya, aku bertekad untuk menjadi permata buat ayah di sepanjang hidupku.

Walaupun sudah sepuluh tahun berlalu, aku tidak pernah lupa akan janjiku. Aku akan cuba sedaya upaya berpegang kepada janji itu. Semoga roh ayah terletak di kalangan orang2 yang beriman.


Al- Fatihah..


PS:/Cerita ini sekadar pengajaran. Hargailah orang tua kita selagi hayat mereka dikandung badan kerana jika mereka telah pergi, tiada apa yg dpt mengembalikannya. Percayalah, tiada perasaan yang lebih memilukan dan menyakitkan selain kehilangan Mak atau Ayah kita.